What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
