It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
