I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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