When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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