Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
