This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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