Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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