How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
