Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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