the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
