The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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