so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
