Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
