im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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