So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
