But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
