Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
