____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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