Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
