there's paper in my vomit.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
