Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
