Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We need a shit load of segways right now
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
