whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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