i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm at about main and main street
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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