i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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