hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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