found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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