bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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