Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize