i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Damn victory sex feels great
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
