I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
