oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
