I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
