i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
