I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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