I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
