she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
