Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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