So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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