oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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