pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
