Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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