you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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