I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
