well I can't set my house on fire every night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They took my balls.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
