Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
