I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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