im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
