you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
