I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
