I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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