how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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