Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You did what with his pubic hair?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
