I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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