grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
