My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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