Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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