I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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