just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
