He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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