I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize