Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
