All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
