Sponge bath it is.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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