I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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