just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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