smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
