so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
