Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
