He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
